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semiotic_pirateDear America:
This is to inform you that the much-dreaded Liberal Feminist Conspiracy has taken over. Not that you wouldn't have noticed, because there will be some changes made around here.
The ERA will at long last be passed.
Clothing sizes will now be: small boned, small, normal, and not that there's anything wrong with that.
Birth control will be free. Pharmacists who refuse to distribute birth control will be fired and laughed at, plus then we get to tell them that our values prevent them from harming other people without consequences. Consequences to be determined later, when I'm drunk.
Abstinence only will become: when you're ready and when he or she is cute enough that you really want to see him/her naked.
Casual day, every day.
Flex time. On site daycare. Day care workers will be paid starting salaries of 50K per annum, and get tax deductions for continuing education.
Foot ball players will get hourly salaries.
Abortion will be legal, but given that condoms will be free and discussed, the abortion rate will go down.
Tax breaks will be given for people who adopt.
Male figure skaters will either start wearing more revealing outfits or everybody will dress the same---like an athlete already.
Ann Coulter will finally have to answer my questions, which I will draw up later while drunk.
Gay marriage will be legitimized. You'd think that the marriage industry would be delighted--stupid buggers. Gay adoption will be legalized everywhere, too.
Cops will be issued tranquilizer guns along with pistols.
The Democratic party will go back to being the party of the little woman, while the Republicans will go back to being States' Rights and non-interference in private lives. The religious nutjobs will have their own party called: the Religious Nutjobs Party.
In every courthouse in the country, they will display plaques that display not the Ten Commandments, but the U.S. Constitution. Just as a hint, you know.
If we have to consider the Wonderbra, the guys need to try out the Wonderjock for a while, too.
Rape will be classified as a hate crime. Unless the offender really understands what he did that was so awful, he won't be released. None of that, "I'm sorry if you feel that way" crap, either.
Prisons will come with mandatory therapy, for the people who actually can be rehabilitated. Employers will get tax breaks for hiring ex cons.
We will spend more money on schools because we'll need to spend less money on prison.
Teachers' salaries will start out at 100K per year.
People who adopt pets from shelters will get big huge tax breaks.
Half of Congress, the police force, the military, and the judiciary will be female, of various political mixes.
Welfare will enable women to raise their children in a healthy manner in nice neighborhoods while they get real job training and education.
Men who beat their wives will be arrested on the first try. When women get attacked, a 'reasonable woman standard' will be employed to weigh her options, especially if she defended herself. A large difference in body size will lead to an enhanced sentence for the attacker.
"Boys will be Boys" will never again work as an excuse.
Boys will get raised more like girls and girls will get raised more like boys. Whichever parent wants to stay home with the kid will be able to do so, and will get tax deductions.
I get to interrogate Rush Limbaugh and violate the Geneve Convention.
Full frontal male nudity in films will be just as common as female nudity. FAir is fair.
Anybody who uses the word 'feminazi' will be sentenced to tour Auschwitz. At their own expense.
Just for the hell of it, if you use the word 'he' as the default, now you'll have to use the word 'she' and see how included your ass feels.
Same thing with womankind.
Just for the hell of it, we get to change the standards so that they're set by women for women. Instead of valueing and measuring upper body strength, we'll focus on the lower body.
Mother's Day will be a paid holiday off. Okay, so will Father's day, but you better be doing half the housework. Without being reminded.
This is to inform you that the much-dreaded Liberal Feminist Conspiracy has taken over. Not that you wouldn't have noticed, because there will be some changes made around here.
The ERA will at long last be passed.
Clothing sizes will now be: small boned, small, normal, and not that there's anything wrong with that.
Birth control will be free. Pharmacists who refuse to distribute birth control will be fired and laughed at, plus then we get to tell them that our values prevent them from harming other people without consequences. Consequences to be determined later, when I'm drunk.
Abstinence only will become: when you're ready and when he or she is cute enough that you really want to see him/her naked.
Casual day, every day.
Flex time. On site daycare. Day care workers will be paid starting salaries of 50K per annum, and get tax deductions for continuing education.
Foot ball players will get hourly salaries.
Abortion will be legal, but given that condoms will be free and discussed, the abortion rate will go down.
Tax breaks will be given for people who adopt.
Male figure skaters will either start wearing more revealing outfits or everybody will dress the same---like an athlete already.
Ann Coulter will finally have to answer my questions, which I will draw up later while drunk.
Gay marriage will be legitimized. You'd think that the marriage industry would be delighted--stupid buggers. Gay adoption will be legalized everywhere, too.
Cops will be issued tranquilizer guns along with pistols.
The Democratic party will go back to being the party of the little woman, while the Republicans will go back to being States' Rights and non-interference in private lives. The religious nutjobs will have their own party called: the Religious Nutjobs Party.
In every courthouse in the country, they will display plaques that display not the Ten Commandments, but the U.S. Constitution. Just as a hint, you know.
If we have to consider the Wonderbra, the guys need to try out the Wonderjock for a while, too.
Rape will be classified as a hate crime. Unless the offender really understands what he did that was so awful, he won't be released. None of that, "I'm sorry if you feel that way" crap, either.
Prisons will come with mandatory therapy, for the people who actually can be rehabilitated. Employers will get tax breaks for hiring ex cons.
We will spend more money on schools because we'll need to spend less money on prison.
Teachers' salaries will start out at 100K per year.
People who adopt pets from shelters will get big huge tax breaks.
Half of Congress, the police force, the military, and the judiciary will be female, of various political mixes.
Welfare will enable women to raise their children in a healthy manner in nice neighborhoods while they get real job training and education.
Men who beat their wives will be arrested on the first try. When women get attacked, a 'reasonable woman standard' will be employed to weigh her options, especially if she defended herself. A large difference in body size will lead to an enhanced sentence for the attacker.
"Boys will be Boys" will never again work as an excuse.
Boys will get raised more like girls and girls will get raised more like boys. Whichever parent wants to stay home with the kid will be able to do so, and will get tax deductions.
I get to interrogate Rush Limbaugh and violate the Geneve Convention.
Full frontal male nudity in films will be just as common as female nudity. FAir is fair.
Anybody who uses the word 'feminazi' will be sentenced to tour Auschwitz. At their own expense.
Just for the hell of it, if you use the word 'he' as the default, now you'll have to use the word 'she' and see how included your ass feels.
Same thing with womankind.
Just for the hell of it, we get to change the standards so that they're set by women for women. Instead of valueing and measuring upper body strength, we'll focus on the lower body.
Mother's Day will be a paid holiday off. Okay, so will Father's day, but you better be doing half the housework. Without being reminded.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 06:41 am (UTC)I'll bite :)
Date: 2005-04-26 09:33 pm (UTC)No one should have to work Sundays. :) Actually, both Mother's Day and Father's Day are holidays in the US. Not all employers respect that, but where are you going to take Mom out to eat if everyone stays home? :)
Re: I'll bite :)
Date: 2005-04-27 09:20 pm (UTC)And why pick Sunday? (if it is a religious thing, each individual should be able to earmark their own day according to their own rel. WEEKENDS in general should be sacred)
Why take Mom out to eat, invite her over for a home-cooked dinner where she is waited on hand and foot! heh.
Re: I'll bite :)
Date: 2005-04-28 02:43 pm (UTC)Really? You could have fooled me. My daughter will have more holidays next year when she starts Kindergarten than I ever did in school. Any particular days you have in mind?
Oh, it's fairly arbitrary, but it's the closest we have to a secular "sabbath" day in this country. Yes for me it is in part a religious thing, but the fact is everyone needs at least one day off with their family.
It's also a mild complaint from someone who has life very easy but from time to time has to take care of two kids without the support of his spouse on some Sunday afternoons when she is required to work. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 09:17 pm (UTC)