I don't know about a manual, cheat sheet, or map, but it's grief, and grief will have its way. You are grieving a loss, and you get to define that loss. When my mother died (it will be 10 years in March), I grieved the loss you describe of the chance of reconciliation, and the loss of the mother I wanted and never had and now never will have. I think you can own feeling devastated, I did-both own it and feel it. While my mother lived there was still a hope, however faint, that we would mend our relationship and I would get something I needed from her even if I couldn't quite specify it; once she was dead I no longer had that hope. I saw a therapist for a few months to hash it all out and have a safe place to grieve.
It might help you to make up a ritual or ceremony to mark your loss. It helped me. I bought my mother's favorite flowers and kept them on my desk at work, every week for a month after she died.
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Date: 2014-02-20 07:03 pm (UTC)I don't know about a manual, cheat sheet, or map, but it's grief, and grief will have its way. You are grieving a loss, and you get to define that loss. When my mother died (it will be 10 years in March), I grieved the loss you describe of the chance of reconciliation, and the loss of the mother I wanted and never had and now never will have. I think you can own feeling devastated, I did-both own it and feel it. While my mother lived there was still a hope, however faint, that we would mend our relationship and I would get something I needed from her even if I couldn't quite specify it; once she was dead I no longer had that hope. I saw a therapist for a few months to hash it all out and have a safe place to grieve.
It might help you to make up a ritual or ceremony to mark your loss. It helped me. I bought my mother's favorite flowers and kept them on my desk at work, every week for a month after she died.