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There was this box see...
Jun. 13th, 2007 03:46 pmToday has been a humdinger. I got up at the crack of noon and decided to shower, dress, and go get yesterday's mail. There was a package in the mailbox addressed to me. I'm not expecting anything... and if it were for the CoB it would be addressed to him or he would've told me about it, I think. The last thing I "won" on eBay came in a few days ago, the rest of the comic books in Marvel known to feature an alien species known as "The Brood" which weren't quite in the condition I thought they'd be. Anyways, I decided to go take the package out from the mailroom area to the atrium outside.
I've been holed up int he house for the past few days and I need some fresh air, even though it's hot as hell out here. Heck, it's been hot, humid, and thunderstorming practically every day for the last month. Storms seem to hit the same time every day, right around when people should be getting home from work, or at least stuck driving home in traffic on I-84. Not that this is an indicator of global warming or the end of the world or anything.
So, I'm sitting there with this package, and the wind is blowing a nice breeze through, so I'm pretty comfortable, surprisingly. It is overcast still as well. I figure I should look at the return address to see if that will give me any clues as to who this mystery package is from. B. L. Ze'bub Enterprises, Consumer Awards Division, 999 Goldstone Lane, Babylon KS 66607. Did I win something? Weird.
Getting the envelope open wasn't too bad either, though I ripped the enclosed letter a little. Which after all, can't be that important since it isn't the prize, right? There was this sweet little box made out of this black stone with cryptic engravings all over it and inset mother of pearl around the edges. None of it made any sense to me but I got a couple of competing urges bludgeoning me at the same time as soon as I got a good look at the box.
Part of me was yelling "open it up!" and another part was saying "don't open it, who's it from, what could be in it?" while I was also thinking I could piece the letter together and read it first but again, I'm sure there isn't anything important there and that it's probably just some advertising gimmick. Heck, I thought it's probably some cheap gimrack that was sent out to try and get me to buy something else. Always getting free samples and junk mail tyring to sell me stuff that I don't need.
What the heck. I decided to open it. It was stuck pretty tight, the more I struggled to get it open the more determined I became to see what was inside of the damned thing... I'm not concerned about it, after all I've been having a hell of a time opening up soda bottles, jars and any other type of household good for a while now. Too bad CoB isn't about to open it for me like he does with those bottles and jars... I ended up slicing my finger on one of the carved letters and bleeding all over the thing before I finally cracked the lid.
It was empty, though there was this big whoosh of air that almost blew me off my seat on the concrete steps. Typical for this time of day, with those storm-fronts moving in every night. There was a weird smell, like rotten eggs and seaweed and something else I couldn't identify on the wind. But, there's an old water treatment plant up the street, maybe something cracked open in the bowels of its system and got blown over by that wind. Funny, trees didn't seem to move though. Maybe I just missed it since I almost got knocked on my ass. Whatever.
So, I took my little box, along with the ripped letter, some other junk mail, and the everpresent bills into the apartment with me. Have to get cracking on that business plan I'm working on. But before I start with that I decide to read the letter that was enclosed with the box.
(actual names changed to protect the identities of the bloggers involved.)
---------------------------------------
Dear Semiotic,
As you know, I'm working down here for (undisclosed business) since they got popped last week. While they were dicking around getting the contract signed with us, they got popped, it took them over a week after that to get us here and we are still only doing original contract stuff and not an Incident Response. Of course, since my company is practically paying them for me to be here, I dunno what I've gotten myself into.
Had to send this to you without making it seem like it was from me. DON'T OPEN THE BOX. Whatever you do, don't open the box. I found out that beneath the veneer of bumblefuck idiocy this company is actually a front for some sort of cult that is trying to bring on the end of the world. Even these idiots have finally figured out they want to keep their networks safe from prying eyes and to keep their membership database out of the public pervue but, having no clue how to do it, had to go and call in my company to do it for them.
Again, DON'T OPEN THE BOX.
The chick I'm having to work with is a nutcase going through a divorce or some shit, so she's all stressed and let it drop that (while she was erasing logs to cover up the cult business, which come on, I'm a hacker and I'm going to catch that) there is this cult and this box was going to be opened during some ceremony was in danger of being found by the response team (me). Of course, she didn't realize that I would have access to that message as well. I found the box and packaged it up and sent it express mail to you to get it away from them. Now I'm acting like nothing else is going on, and the cops and feds are investigating now too.
Call me when you've finished reading this and let me know that YOU HAVEN'T OPENED THE BOX.
Love,
CoB
---------------------------------
Oh, crap! You guys thing something bad's gonna happen now? It's gotta be a joke, right? Are there any signs that the end of the world is nigh? Shit. Hope everything's okay. I guess I'm going to have to call CoB and let him know that I opened the box. *sigh*
I've been holed up int he house for the past few days and I need some fresh air, even though it's hot as hell out here. Heck, it's been hot, humid, and thunderstorming practically every day for the last month. Storms seem to hit the same time every day, right around when people should be getting home from work, or at least stuck driving home in traffic on I-84. Not that this is an indicator of global warming or the end of the world or anything.
So, I'm sitting there with this package, and the wind is blowing a nice breeze through, so I'm pretty comfortable, surprisingly. It is overcast still as well. I figure I should look at the return address to see if that will give me any clues as to who this mystery package is from. B. L. Ze'bub Enterprises, Consumer Awards Division, 999 Goldstone Lane, Babylon KS 66607. Did I win something? Weird.
Getting the envelope open wasn't too bad either, though I ripped the enclosed letter a little. Which after all, can't be that important since it isn't the prize, right? There was this sweet little box made out of this black stone with cryptic engravings all over it and inset mother of pearl around the edges. None of it made any sense to me but I got a couple of competing urges bludgeoning me at the same time as soon as I got a good look at the box.
Part of me was yelling "open it up!" and another part was saying "don't open it, who's it from, what could be in it?" while I was also thinking I could piece the letter together and read it first but again, I'm sure there isn't anything important there and that it's probably just some advertising gimmick. Heck, I thought it's probably some cheap gimrack that was sent out to try and get me to buy something else. Always getting free samples and junk mail tyring to sell me stuff that I don't need.
What the heck. I decided to open it. It was stuck pretty tight, the more I struggled to get it open the more determined I became to see what was inside of the damned thing... I'm not concerned about it, after all I've been having a hell of a time opening up soda bottles, jars and any other type of household good for a while now. Too bad CoB isn't about to open it for me like he does with those bottles and jars... I ended up slicing my finger on one of the carved letters and bleeding all over the thing before I finally cracked the lid.
It was empty, though there was this big whoosh of air that almost blew me off my seat on the concrete steps. Typical for this time of day, with those storm-fronts moving in every night. There was a weird smell, like rotten eggs and seaweed and something else I couldn't identify on the wind. But, there's an old water treatment plant up the street, maybe something cracked open in the bowels of its system and got blown over by that wind. Funny, trees didn't seem to move though. Maybe I just missed it since I almost got knocked on my ass. Whatever.
So, I took my little box, along with the ripped letter, some other junk mail, and the everpresent bills into the apartment with me. Have to get cracking on that business plan I'm working on. But before I start with that I decide to read the letter that was enclosed with the box.
(actual names changed to protect the identities of the bloggers involved.)
---------------------------------------
Dear Semiotic,
As you know, I'm working down here for (undisclosed business) since they got popped last week. While they were dicking around getting the contract signed with us, they got popped, it took them over a week after that to get us here and we are still only doing original contract stuff and not an Incident Response. Of course, since my company is practically paying them for me to be here, I dunno what I've gotten myself into.
Had to send this to you without making it seem like it was from me. DON'T OPEN THE BOX. Whatever you do, don't open the box. I found out that beneath the veneer of bumblefuck idiocy this company is actually a front for some sort of cult that is trying to bring on the end of the world. Even these idiots have finally figured out they want to keep their networks safe from prying eyes and to keep their membership database out of the public pervue but, having no clue how to do it, had to go and call in my company to do it for them.
Again, DON'T OPEN THE BOX.
The chick I'm having to work with is a nutcase going through a divorce or some shit, so she's all stressed and let it drop that (while she was erasing logs to cover up the cult business, which come on, I'm a hacker and I'm going to catch that) there is this cult and this box was going to be opened during some ceremony was in danger of being found by the response team (me). Of course, she didn't realize that I would have access to that message as well. I found the box and packaged it up and sent it express mail to you to get it away from them. Now I'm acting like nothing else is going on, and the cops and feds are investigating now too.
Call me when you've finished reading this and let me know that YOU HAVEN'T OPENED THE BOX.
Love,
CoB
---------------------------------
Oh, crap! You guys thing something bad's gonna happen now? It's gotta be a joke, right? Are there any signs that the end of the world is nigh? Shit. Hope everything's okay. I guess I'm going to have to call CoB and let him know that I opened the box. *sigh*
