Dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun dun! LENNY! It's YOU!

Has anyone been watching the odder side of the news lately? I was up later than usual last night and caught a blurb on the local news channel about a great white shark having been stranded in an area of Cape Cod. Apparently the local biologists figured out this grand scheme to usher it back out into the ocean using (what looked like) gill nets set up on their sides to form an alleyway through to the open sea. The only kink in the design is that the poor thing (munch munch, scream) would have to swim through a section that has, at high tide, only four feet of water covering it. Well it's not like they could break out a tape measure around the shark's waist to see if he would comfortably fit or not but it doesn't look like our sharkey is "taking the bait." He's already been harpooned with a satellite transmitter and one of those floating flags to make him easier to see and track.

The thing is that earlier that day I had been to the movies with my fiance's nephew to see 'Shark Tale' and one of the local cops being interviewed said (verbatim) "I just want people to realize that this ain't no Disney movie." So I turn to my sweety and I shout "It's Lenny! Look! Hey Lenny!" and we both start cracking jokes about vegan sharks. Ah, it was a bit of fun no doubt. Are there any good vegan restaurants out that way? Somebody! Those idiot biologists are trying to say that - get this - the move into shallow waters might have something to do with the rebounding population of seals in the area. Yah, Lenny's gonna chomp on some seals... Heh.

Here's a tangent, all of a sudden I'm picturing those seals acting like (have you ever seen the car insurance commercial now using geckos, where the squirrels conspired to run the cars off the road for kicks?) those damn Geico squirrels, err seals. Slapping their fins high and low at having tricked the big bad shark into shallow water. Yah, I know, silly. Go figure.

Alright kiddies! I'm off to get some leaf peeping in... watch out for LAND SHARKS!

Hahahahahaha! Attention all penny pinching free riders!

Has anyone ever seen that episode of Seinfeld where George eats an eclair out of a garbage can at his GF's relative's place? Well, get a load of this, all of you people who got grossed out by that:

http://www.newsday.com/features/ny-p2two3987360sep29,0,2957052.story?coll=ny

It reminded me of all of those movies (like that flop Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes were in, Demolition Man) where (in a day not too far into our own future) there are underground groups of people (some of them literally living beneath the streets) who lived off the refuse of the the "elite" consumerist group. That day has arrived my fiendish friends!

Every food 'chain' has a hierarchy of creatures ranked by what they eat.. Primary consumers (what we call Vegans) followed by secondary consumers, (omnivores, anyone who eats a balanced diet according to the newly modified food pyramid), and then there are the supposed "top of the food chain" types, the Carnivores (or in this case, anyone on the Atkins-like carbohydrate free diets going around like malicious virus.) One group, that was up until now, personified with homeless people, is now being occupied by another group of elitists, the I'm too good for your consumerist culture, counter-culture group - the Detritus feeders. Now I feel complete, like we've (pardon the pun) come full circle.

Life is funny like that, isn't it?

On a roll here.... What if?

I was actually thinking about this for real the other day. I had been doing research about how dairy farms are using Ultrafiltration to come up with all those neat new yummy tasting dairy based products we've been seeing coming out. It uses pressure to drive out the wanted elements through a membrane barrier and keeps behind the unwanted elements. YES, I've been contemplating it as a subject for my thesis/research paper for my masters degree. (sighs with the weight of it) Anyways, back to the main point. All of a sudden I thought... Since this filtration method can get very tiny particles out of whatever (including macromolecules if you set it for something like that) out of the starter mixture... What if we used that to filter the AIR? I mean, here we have all around us some of the worst situations (take for instance Los Angeles or Mexico City) where due to pressure waves of air flow and topography, you have trapped in pockets, these clouds of filthy polluted air. Air that is full of particles that are bigger than the molecules that the air is made up of (nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, etc..) What if we were able to set up some sort of Ultrafiltration system for these untenable air pockets?

It's not that I truly expect anything like this to happen. But, it is an interesting exercise for the mind to imagine. Floating air scrubbers. (Starts to laugh in a maniacal fasion like a mad scientist whose creation has just come to LIFE!)

Yeah yeah, some sort of George Jetson dreams I have.

(Image designed by kenn brown and chris wren, illustrators for Wired Magazine... Those guys are GREAT!)

Answering a Challenge

I was rolling around LiveJournal, searching for interesting things to do and found this:

(adizzi) wrote in writingworkout,
@ 2004-08-20 16:29:00

off the top of your head, without thinking a lot about them, write a paragraph using the following as themes, cues, quotes, titles or departure points. post yours in your journal and link to it in the comments here.

the point is to improvise, if you're open to it. to get the full thing out of it, don't look until you're ready to write:

1. ninety-five seconds
2. tragic lips
3. one thousand apples, give or take
4. burned
5. statue of an emperor
6. someone's summer
7. fantasies of despotic power
8. t. p. tea shoppe
9. carlo's dilemma
10. [superlative] evening ever


Hence, my answer:

Ninety-five seconds is all you have left my nemesis. What are you to do with the rest of your life? Do you pout your tragic lips and start to blubber on about those one thousand apples, give or take, that you never got to eat? The poison you mistakenly drank burned down your esophagus. The poison was put into the cup, with the purple pimpernel mark on it, that you left at the base of Emperor Ling’s statue. Last summer, you never dreamed that something like this could happen to you. You thought you were invulnerable. Like Saddam Hussein, you were filled with fantasies of despotic power; never suspecting that behind every sip you took in the Tart Petite Tea Shoppe could be your last. You have met with the end that was Carlo’s dilemma. That’s right, he’s the one who decided your evening was over. Isn’t life grand?

Michael Moor Posting

Alright, I swear, this is absolutely my last posting of the evening... Chinese food is on the way and you keep giving me exasperated looks from across the room. (Alright so maybe I'm not getting the looks but the chinese food is definitely happening.) I feel as if the floodgates were loosed today, and I am being continually inspired to post something that I've found elsewhere. So, does the urge to post continually lurk in anyone else out there or am I the only afflicted one?

This I feel like this is some sort of chain letter that I cannot help but post on my site as well. It has such the ring of truth to it, and I am on a serious pilgrimage for the truth because I think I deserve it. I felt the same way after seeing MM's movie. Although the churning stomach feelings were absent this time around.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Bush,

I am so confused. Where exactly do you stand on the issue of Iraq? You, your Dad, Rummy, Condi, Colin, and Wolfie -- you have all changed your minds so many times, I am out of breath just trying to keep up with you!
Which of these 10 positions that you, your family and your cabinet have taken over the years represents your CURRENT thinking:

1983-88: WE LOVE SADDAM. On December 19, 1983, Donald Rumsfeld was sent by your dad and Mr. Reagan to go and have a friendly meeting with Saddam Hussein, the dictator of Iraq. Rummy looked so happy in the picture . Just twelve days after this visit, Saddam gassed thousands of Iranian troops. Your dad and Rummy seemed pretty happy with the results because The Donald R. went back to have another chummy hang-out with Saddams right-hand man, Tariq Aziz, just four months later. All of this resulted in the U.S. providing credits and loans to Iraq that enabled Saddam to buy billions of dollars worth of weapons and chemical agents. The Washington Post reported that your dad and Reagan let it be known to their Arab allies that the Reagan/Bush administration wanted Iraq to win its war with Iran and anyone who helped Saddam accomplish this was a friend of ours.

1990: WE HATE SADDAM. In 1990, when Saddam invaded Kuwait, your dad and his defense secretary, Dick Cheney, decided they didn't like Saddam anymore so they attacked Iraq and returned Kuwait to its rightful dictators.

1991: WE WANT SADDAM TO LIVE. After the war, your dad and Cheney and Colin Powell told the Shiites to rise up against Saddam and we would support them. So they rose up. But then we changed our minds. When the Shiites rose up against Saddam, the Bush inner circle changed its mind and decided NOT to help the Shiites. Thus, they were massacred by Saddam.

1998: WE WANT SADDAM TO DIE. In 1998, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and others, as part of the Project for the New American Century, wrote an open letter to President Clinton insisting he invade and topple Saddam Hussein.

2000: WE DON'T BELIEVE IN WAR AND NATION BUILDING. Just three years later, during your debate with Al Gore in the 2000 election, when asked by the moderator Jim Lehrer where you stood when it came to using force for regime change, you turned out to be a downright pacifist:

I--I would take the use of force very seriously. I would be guarded in my approach. I don't think we can be all things to all people in the world. I think we've got to be very careful when we commit our troops. The vice president [Al Gore] and I have a disagreement about the use of troops. He believes in nation building. I--I would be very careful about using our troops as nation builders. I believe the role of the military is to fight and win war and, therefore, prevent war from happening in the first place. And so I take my--I take my--my responsibility seriously. --October 3, 2000

2001 (early): WE DON'T BELIEVE SADDAM IS A THREAT. When you took office in 2001, you sent your Secretary of State, Colin Powell, and your National Security Advisor, Condoleezza Rice, in front of the cameras to assure the American people they need not worry about Saddam Hussein. Here is what they said:

Powell: We should constantly be reviewing our policies, constantly be looking at those sanctions to make sure that they have directed that purpose. That purpose is every bit as important now as it was 10 years ago when we began it. And frankly, they have worked. He has not developed any significant capability with respect to weapons of mass destruction. He is unable to project conventional power against his neighbors. --February 24, 2001

Rice: But in terms of Saddam Hussein being there, let's remember that his country is divided, in effect. He does not control the northern part of his country. We are able to keep arms from him. His military forces have not been rebuilt. --July 29, 2001

2001 (late): WE BELIEVE SADDAM IS GOING TO KILL US! Just a few months later, in the hours and days after the 9/11 tragedy, you had no interest in going after Osama bin Laden. You wanted only to bomb Iraq and kill Saddam and you then told all of America we were under imminent threat because weapons of mass destruction were coming our way. You led the American people to believe that Saddam had something to do with Osama and 9/11. Without the UN's sanction, you broke international law and invaded Iraq.

2003: WE DONT BELIEVE SADDAM IS GOING TO KILL US. After no WMDs were found, you changed your mind about why you said we needed to invade, coming up with a brand new after-the-fact reason -- we started this war so we could have regime change, liberate Iraq and give the Iraqis democracy!

2003: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Yes, everyone saw you say it -- in costume, no less!

2004: OOPS. MISSION NOT ACCOMPLISHED! Now you call the Iraq invasion a "catastrophic success ." That's what you called it this month. Over a thousand U.S. soldiers have died, Iraq is in a state of total chaos where no one is safe, and you have no clue how to get us out of there.

Mr. Bush, please tell us -- when will you change your mind again?

I know you hate the words "flip" and "flop," so I won't use them both on you. In fact, I'll use just one: Flop. That is what you are. A huge, colossal flop. The war is a flop, your advisors and the "intelligence" they gave you is a flop, and now we are all a flop to the rest of the world. Flop. Flop. Flop.

And you have the audacity to criticize John Kerry with what you call the "many positions" he has taken on Iraq. By my count, he has taken only one: He believed you. That was his position. You told him and the rest of congress that Saddam had WMDs. So he -- and the vast majority of Americans, even those who didn't vote for you -- believed you. You see, Americans, like John Kerry, want to live in a country where they can believe their president.

That was the one, single position John Kerry took. He didn't support the war, he supported YOU. And YOU let him and this great country down. And that is why tens of millions can't wait to get to the polls on Election Day -- to remove a major, catastrophic flop from our dear, beloved White House -- to stop all the flipping you and your men have done, flipping us and the rest of the world off.

We can't take another minute of it.

Yours,

Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.co